A Unique Connection

I just had the most interesting experience at Norfolk's MacArthur Center, the most ordinary of places. Nothing happened, really, but there are thoughts running through my mind as a result, and I thought they might be worth mentioning.

This morning, in my effort to get out of the house but not out of the air conditioning (can I get an amen?), I met 2 girlfriends at the mall for breakfast, coffee, and window shopping (OK I confess - I bought Emma some hair bows. I couldn't help myself). After all of the festivities, our kids appeared to be hungry, so we headed to the food court for lunch and then the play area for some pre-naptime activity. For many reasons, Emma has never been to a play area before. First, those are no fun unless you have a kid who walks. Second, I've been a TOTAL germophobe since last October, when she started getting sick at the drop of a hat. Now that cold and flu season is behind us, I decided to let her experience this all-American kid pastime. She LOVED it. She toddled around with all the big kids, an expression of glee and delight on her face. She crawled through the tunnel and tried to climb the ladybug. She walked in circles just because she could. I watched her excitement like a kid in a candy store, joyfully marveling at how "normal" she has become. And suddenly I noticed that Emma had made a friend. No sooner had she descended upon the play area did a 4-year-old boy named Ryan begin playing with her hair (in a nice way). He seemed very intrigued by the Cindy Lou Who ponytail coming straight out of the top of her head and was compelled to touch it. His parents (seated across the room) continually told him not to touch her head, but he was so interested in my little girl that he just couldn't help himself. He followed her through the tunnel, gently helped her walk to the ladybug, and just generally couldn't keep away from her. I finally had to intervene when Emma found the exit and tried repeatedly to escape into the food court. After many failed attempts at keeping her in the play area, I parked myself on the floor next to Ryan's mommy and daddy for closer observation. And we watched our two kids enjoy each other with glee. I kept wondering what would make a 4-year-old boy so interested in an almost 16-month-old girl. Suddenly, I noticed it. Ryan was wearing some sort of medical device (a pump maybe?) clipped to the side of his shorts. I mean, there were wires and tubes and all sorts of things. They were just all very small. Immediately, I thought, "Did he see Emma's G tube? Did that somehow make him feel a connection with her? Or did he just feel drawn to her for mysterious reasons that no one really can explain?" Either way, there was a definite connection. He loved her. She loved him. And they played. Together. And I sat on the floor with his mommy and daddy and enjoyed the view.

A few things went through my head. First, it kind of struck me how Emma is actually a little person - complete with thoughts, feelings, and gifts of her own. And her life will be used to impact others in big and small ways totally separate from Chris and I. Like this little 4-year-old boy. Emma's unique story was written by the God who made her and may make her able to relate to others that even Chris and I are unable to relate to, despite having walked down that road with her. Then I realized that that's all we did. WE walked alongside her. SHE lived it. It's HER story. And it's HER life for God to use to touch others, even a little boy with a medical pump who just might have loved her because she has a G tube. And as the magnitude of Emma's "personhood" hit me, I also became overwhelmed with the thought that this person was entrusted to me(to us really, but to me for purposes of this post). To love, to nurture, to protect, to discipline, and to raise, hopefully to love the God who loves her. And I suddenly became a little overwhelmed at high calling and responsibility of being a good steward of a person. I am used to considering stewardship of time, money, stuff, etc. but suddenly realized that I am also called to be a good steward of my daugher. Oh Lord, I am so inadequate. I have read books. I have talked to other moms. I have lived life. But really, truly, I have no idea what I'm doing. How could you have called ME to THIS?

But there is grace for me. A friend in Anacortes had a quote posted on her desk that said something like, "God will never call you to a place where his grace will not cover you." Grace to grow, to learn, to fail, and to improve as Emma's mommy. Grace to fall down, grace to get up, and grace to know that despite a million mistakes, Emma will still love me. There will be others to lead and to guide her, but only one she'll call "mommy." Oh I want to do this thing well. I am so thankful that there is grace to match the responsibility to which I have been called.