A Bittersweet Goodbye

Physical therapist Wendy, Emma, and case worker Debbie

My heart feels very full today. This morning, we said goodbye to the Virginia Beach Early Intervention Program, the program through which Emma' s physical therapy services have been provided for the last 10 months. Emma's physical therapist Wendy and case worker Debbie came over at 9:15 to do one final "evaluation" to measure her progress and check her development. In a nutshell, Emma passed with flying colors. Gross motor skills? Approximately 18 months. Fine motor skills? Emma is age-appropriate. Self-help skills? Check. Language skills? Off the charts (24+ months). I told you all that she was a good talker! I wonder where she gets that from? Anyone who has ever listened to Chris or I tell a story will know that Emma is doomed to be verbose.

Saying goodbye to Wendy and Debbie feels very bittersweet to me. I have spent months waiting and hoping and praying that Emma would eventually become developmentally normal. I used to watch other moms with their kids and marvel at how easy things were for them, at how their kids picked up a million little skills and abilities so naturally that we have had to fight tooth and nail for. There were times when Emma's progress seemed so slow and her abilities so far behind her age that it seemed a fool's hope that she would ever catch up. But as the months of weekly therapy ticked by and Emma's abilities improved, her therapist began to feel like a friend. Wendy spent time in our home. She loved our daugher. She listened to me jabber on about nothing because I was so desperate for adult conversation. And she helped Emma grow and develop and learn. Now I have a developmentally age-appropriate baby but no therapist to talk to. Wait - was the therapy for me or for Emma? :)

So Emma graduated today. No more physical therapy. And my heart, which has felt so full and heavy and fearful this year, feels as though another weight has been lifted and I have one more thing to praise God for. And praise Him I did, seated at the piano with my daughter on my lap. God told us the day Emma was born that she was going to be fine. And she is. She really, really is. And we'll take it. Even if it means saying goodbye to a few friends we've made on the journey.

A Unique Connection

I just had the most interesting experience at Norfolk's MacArthur Center, the most ordinary of places. Nothing happened, really, but there are thoughts running through my mind as a result, and I thought they might be worth mentioning.

This morning, in my effort to get out of the house but not out of the air conditioning (can I get an amen?), I met 2 girlfriends at the mall for breakfast, coffee, and window shopping (OK I confess - I bought Emma some hair bows. I couldn't help myself). After all of the festivities, our kids appeared to be hungry, so we headed to the food court for lunch and then the play area for some pre-naptime activity. For many reasons, Emma has never been to a play area before. First, those are no fun unless you have a kid who walks. Second, I've been a TOTAL germophobe since last October, when she started getting sick at the drop of a hat. Now that cold and flu season is behind us, I decided to let her experience this all-American kid pastime. She LOVED it. She toddled around with all the big kids, an expression of glee and delight on her face. She crawled through the tunnel and tried to climb the ladybug. She walked in circles just because she could. I watched her excitement like a kid in a candy store, joyfully marveling at how "normal" she has become. And suddenly I noticed that Emma had made a friend. No sooner had she descended upon the play area did a 4-year-old boy named Ryan begin playing with her hair (in a nice way). He seemed very intrigued by the Cindy Lou Who ponytail coming straight out of the top of her head and was compelled to touch it. His parents (seated across the room) continually told him not to touch her head, but he was so interested in my little girl that he just couldn't help himself. He followed her through the tunnel, gently helped her walk to the ladybug, and just generally couldn't keep away from her. I finally had to intervene when Emma found the exit and tried repeatedly to escape into the food court. After many failed attempts at keeping her in the play area, I parked myself on the floor next to Ryan's mommy and daddy for closer observation. And we watched our two kids enjoy each other with glee. I kept wondering what would make a 4-year-old boy so interested in an almost 16-month-old girl. Suddenly, I noticed it. Ryan was wearing some sort of medical device (a pump maybe?) clipped to the side of his shorts. I mean, there were wires and tubes and all sorts of things. They were just all very small. Immediately, I thought, "Did he see Emma's G tube? Did that somehow make him feel a connection with her? Or did he just feel drawn to her for mysterious reasons that no one really can explain?" Either way, there was a definite connection. He loved her. She loved him. And they played. Together. And I sat on the floor with his mommy and daddy and enjoyed the view.

A few things went through my head. First, it kind of struck me how Emma is actually a little person - complete with thoughts, feelings, and gifts of her own. And her life will be used to impact others in big and small ways totally separate from Chris and I. Like this little 4-year-old boy. Emma's unique story was written by the God who made her and may make her able to relate to others that even Chris and I are unable to relate to, despite having walked down that road with her. Then I realized that that's all we did. WE walked alongside her. SHE lived it. It's HER story. And it's HER life for God to use to touch others, even a little boy with a medical pump who just might have loved her because she has a G tube. And as the magnitude of Emma's "personhood" hit me, I also became overwhelmed with the thought that this person was entrusted to me(to us really, but to me for purposes of this post). To love, to nurture, to protect, to discipline, and to raise, hopefully to love the God who loves her. And I suddenly became a little overwhelmed at high calling and responsibility of being a good steward of a person. I am used to considering stewardship of time, money, stuff, etc. but suddenly realized that I am also called to be a good steward of my daugher. Oh Lord, I am so inadequate. I have read books. I have talked to other moms. I have lived life. But really, truly, I have no idea what I'm doing. How could you have called ME to THIS?

But there is grace for me. A friend in Anacortes had a quote posted on her desk that said something like, "God will never call you to a place where his grace will not cover you." Grace to grow, to learn, to fail, and to improve as Emma's mommy. Grace to fall down, grace to get up, and grace to know that despite a million mistakes, Emma will still love me. There will be others to lead and to guide her, but only one she'll call "mommy." Oh I want to do this thing well. I am so thankful that there is grace to match the responsibility to which I have been called.

A Very Good Week

It's been a very good week in Lovelace-land. A very good week indeed!

1. Chris has had the entire week off of work. It's been wonderful to have him home all day long. We've worked on house projects, been to the zoo and the Norfolk Harborfest, and just enjoyed being around each other after 2 months apart.


Mommy and Emma by the fountains at the Virginia Zoo

2. We finished our "Extreme Makeover: Master Bedroom Edition" and it looks fabulous. We keep saying, "Wow! It looks like an adult sleeps here!" Goodbye mismatched college mish-mash. Hello new furniture, new paint, new pictures, and new bedding. Happy 5th anniversary to us!

Our beautiful new grown-up bedroom

3. Speaking of our 5th anniversary, Chris took me out on a real-live date to celebrate it last Thursday night. Definition of "real-live": HE planned it. HE picked the restaurant (456 Fish in downtown Norfolk), HE planned the evening (Prince Caspian at 9PM), HE took care of childcare. HE did it all. All I was was told was to be "dressy casual" ready at 6. I felt very loved. And lucky. I loved it.

4. Our wonderful friends the Jacobs are in town! My childhood best friend Sarah, packed up her entire crew (3 kiddos!) and drove to Norfolk this weekend to visit her husband who taking a 3-week class at the Norfolk Naval Base. Nathan came over for dinner on Wednesday, we all had lunch at Chili's on Saturday, and the entire Jacob clan came over for burgers tonight along with our dear friends the Tabors. It is SO wonderful to spend time with old, dear, familiar, comfortable friends and Emma enjoyed having friends over to play with. We actually saw her get a little more assertive than usual when one friend tried to steal her "Doggies" book. You go girl. Why don't we party like this more often?

Isabel Tabor, Emma Lovelace, and Elliana Jacob in awe of the latest Baby Einstein

5. Emma is eating like a rockstar. We are down to using her tube only for hydration purposes (as in, if she doesn't drink much water during the day). To go from having a kid who is 100% tube-fed to having a mostly normal eater is insane. In a good, blissfully wonderful way. It's night and day - like having a different kid. She has also decided that she is now old enough to feed herself. We think the percentage of food that actually reaches her mouth is very low, but it's a riot to watch. Baths are becoming a daily occurance in our home and for those of you who know me well...that's saying a lot.

Our messy girl particularly appreciates Spaghetti-O's.

6. Emma's hair is getting so long that I am now able to style her hair into many cute new dos. How in the world did we get a kid this cute? And...she sits patiently through her daily AM hairstyling. Mostly. Look closely at the "Baby Einstein" photo for a glimpse of a pigtail.

7. EMMA IS WALKING! It's true! She started taking her first steps during our time in Anacortes, much to the satisfaction of her many west coast admirers. The morning of daddy's homecoming, I caught her standing up all by her big girl self. Now she's all over the place. It is truly a miraculous thing to watch your child grow and change. Now that I'm not so afraid of her or worrying about the next medical disaster, I am REALLY beginning to enjoy her. She's so amazing. Is parenting really this much fun, or are we just extra-blessed?

8. Lastly, we are praising God for the good news we received on Friday. Chris was selected to be a "Department Head" in a Prowler squadron. This is the position we were desperately hoping and praying he would get as it will take us back to our beloved Anacortes. Although we don't know exactly when we will be moving, we are guessing it will most likely be sometime between February and May of 2009. We couldn't be more thrilled or thankful for the opportunity to head back "home." In addition, Chris is practically giddy about re-joining a squadron again. Not only will he be flying regularly once more, but the comraderie of a squadron can't be beat!

Homecoming and Telethon

Well, we made it home from Anacortes safely and Emma was an angel on the plane. I had even prayed for an empty seat next to me between Seattle and Cincinnati and lo and behold - there was one! It made ALL the difference in the trip. When we arrived home, we hit the ground running to get the house ready for daddy's homecoming! Yes, after 2 months at sea, daddy finally returned home last night. Although there were only a small number of people returning and there was not much accompanying fanfare, it was special for our family nonetheless. The only damper was that daddy decided NOT to shave his "cruisestache" before coming home so it was a little jarring to see him with some hair (OK a lot of hair) on his upper lip. Emma thought it was funny. Me...not so much.

This afternoon we all head to CHKD (Children's Hospital of the King's Daughers) to share Emma's story at their annual telethon. Although only our local news station carries it on TV, the telethon can be watched live online at http://www.wvec.com/. According to the informational letter we received in the mail, our family will be featured between 5 and 5:30PM eastern time. Whether it's for a few minutes or the entire half hour, we have no idea. But if you're interested, head to the website at that time and check us out!

Love and hugs,
Jen, Chris and Emma